Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Kathy's Humor Exposed


So if you happen to know my friend Kathy, and have her on your Buddy List, you may have noticed that, ever vigilant and without fail, she has humorous little quips about Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel, and Mr. T, among others. They are really funny.

I can now report that I know from where they come. It is somewhat embarassing that I didn't figure this out sooner, but, to my credit, I have not been actively pursuing an answer to this growing question.

The Chuck Norris facts are most certainly derived from here, appropriately named ChuckNorrisFacts.com. Even the big man himself finds it amusing, but does not miss an opportunity to dish out further pain. Here is the "Top 10" (despite having 11) as it stands on the website.

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. But he is so badass, he has never cried. Ever.

2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

8. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

I was unable to find an origin for the others, but I did find this, a Random Vin Diesel Fact website (There are also links to sites for Mr. T and Mr. Norris at the bottom). This site is no doubt pulling from a mass repository of ancestral knowledge that must be passed down from generation to generation.

Do not forget, Vin Diesel eats the toy that comes with the Happy Meal. You have been warned.


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