Monday, November 28, 2005

Do the AIM!: Take one step forward, four steps back, or AIM Triton Released


The jig is up, our time is out. Life as we know it is more dead than a franchise under the rule of Joel Schumacher. The second sign of the apocalypse is among us (I believe this was the first). Why, you may ask, are we destined to rot in a pit of eternal hellfire? In the cadence of one of the greats:

Triton. AIM Triton.

Ok, maybe I'm over-exaggerating just a tad, but really, this spells bad news for the unknowing, naive youth of the world. AIM Triton is AOL's latest forray into the wild world of Spartian war tactics. It is, I guess, AOL's latest instant messenging service. How sweet.

Guess what else it does! The site exclaims amazing and mystifying features such as we've never seen before! Voice chat, video chat, email integration and - behold - text messaging!

What the site neglects to mention is that it also comes bundled with a sub par (read: completely f-ing worthless and ad-infested) browser and a program for quote-unquote gaming that is known and identified as spyware by every respectable spyware detection software suite (cough WildTangent! cough) known to man (and woman). Oh, and lets not forget these stylish new chat windows:


My guess is that it helps if you just imagine that advertisement as non-intrusive. It may actually become an enjoyable companion of sorts. Like Clippy the paper clip; everyone adores him. How about Abby the AIM AD! Wow I don't know how I think stuff like this up. (AOL, if you use that, I want compensation). Here is my professional artist rendition

Heed the words of an experienced user of AIM:

If you value the safety of your computer, privacy and children, you will avoid upgrading [to Triton] at all costs. Save your children! and pets too, don't forget to save your pets!"

Now would be a phenominal time to switch to a safer AIM alternative. There are many: Trillian, Gaim, iChat, GTalk. Just to name a few. I prefer GTalk. It's clean and simple. It works very well. It provides all the features of Triton (minus video chat - forthcoming). And its completely ad-free. Join the revolution. Save your pets.

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